On the road to Lancaster

Song of the Day: Weightless by All Time Low

I’m currently on a train to Los Angeles. That’s right. I’m running away.

No, I’m completely kidding. I’m just visiting my mom and my sister. Plus I needed a little break from San Diego. San Diego’s usually the place you go when you need a break but since that’s my hometown I have to go somewhere else. This just means I’ll be cooped up in my mom’s house rather than my dad’s.

I’ve been keeping myself up all week with anxiety. I’m wholeheartedly scared that I’m going to end up so completely mad that I’ll never go back to school, I’ll never keep a steady job, I’ll be alone, and I’ll spend all of my days in an asylum. What if I end up one of those people who can’t keep his/her mental illness under control? Of course, I know I’m just catastrophizing but I really can’t help it.

I’m just so self-aware. I know why I do and say the things I do, but I just never do anything about it. Most of the time I’m aware of all of my actions but it’s as if I have no control over myself. I’m just someone screaming in the background while my demons just take over.

Speaking of demons, have you watched The Conjuring? I absolutely love scary movies and I watch them religiously, and even I got scared a few times. Go watch it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that if you’re struggling through something – anything at all – and you need someone to talk to, just contact me. Because I’ve been there. Hell, I am there. I know its tough to find someone who understands. You can email me at xodeirdreams@gmail.com or add me on facebook at facebook.com/deirdreerin.

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