Song of the Day: Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin
Today, I made a modest effort to actually go outside and do something. Earlier this week, I signed up to volunteer during a pet adoption event for a local animal rescue at PetSmart. I was really looking forward to it… until I actually got there.
Right when I parked in front of the building, I saw all of those people and suddenly had an anxiety attack. If you’ve had some kind of anxiety attack before, you know what it feels like.
I felt like I was suffocating and I was absolutely terrified that something bad was going to happen. I had this irrational thought that everyone knew. Knew what? That I was… bipolar. And that thought alone made me so paranoid.
I then sat in my car for about an hour and a half until I calmed down enough to drive home because driving with anxiety is never good.
And that is one of the main reasons having social anxiety is just awful. It really does affect your life. I mean there are people everywhere and I can’t live my life being afraid.
I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. It is progress. I did make an attempt, which is more than I have ever done in the past few months.
I think one of the most important things to remember during recovery is that you should never get on your own case. Recovery is difficult and applaud yourself for just beginning the process.
Next time, Deirdre, next time.
I like to encourage myself in third person.