Song of the day: Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations
You probably don’t know this but I’m a people pleaser.
People pleaser: n. someone who is basically a doormat to other people.
Okay, well, maybe it’s not that bad but you get my point. It’s just someone who always puts other first. I know that doesn’t sound that bad but from my experience, it is.
I think this all started in elementary school when I just moved to America. I really wanted to fit in and so I would just agree with everyone, or do what anyone wants me to. Through the years, I basically became this pushover. I never became assertive because I was too afraid of hurting other people’s feelings. So I mostly kept my opinions and thoughts to myself.
I guess that’s another reason why I don’t like to go out much. I feel like I have this obligation to make sure everyone’s happy and having fun. When people ask me what I want to do or where I want to go I simply answer, “Whatever you want.” I know that’s really irritating. I was just terrified of being judged for my choices. I mean I’m one of those people who doesn’t need to do much to be entertained. I could sit with a friend on YouTube for hours, which I actually did sometimes, and I’d be okay.
Even when it comes to going into stores. I kid you not, there have been several occasions where I bought something just because the sales associate was so sincere. For example, one time I went to Burberry. I wasn’t planning on buying anything for obvious reasons – ahem, it’s completely out of my budget. But the guy was so nice in helping with everything that I bought a 150$ shirt. Terrible, right?
I would love to say that I’m not that kind of person anymore but I know I still am.
I’ve been working on it for a while, since the beginning of this year. I had partial hospitalization for several months, before getting kicked out, and I began learning to how to assert myself. Well, we were forced to so I really didn’t have a choice.
I just started to realize that I can’t make everyone happy without me being completely miserable.
But I still have a lot to work on, even with my close friends.
It’s strange because I’m only ever assertive to people who are more of a people pleaser than I am. I guess that makes a little sense, right?
Have a great weekend!