Water and Darkness

Earlier I had to go all the way downstairs to go to the bathroom and I absolutely hate doing that. Don’t roll your eyes at me; it’s not the walk. I’m terrified of the dark and being downstairs, alone, at night just scares me. One of the reasons is that the sliding glass doors in front of the dining room don’t have curtains, and I’m so paranoid that one of these days I’m going to see someone there.

It sounds foolish and I must admit that it just might be my obsession with crime shows getting to me, but I can’t really help it. Since it’s Christmas we have the lights outside so it’s a little better. Nonetheless I still hate going downstairs. I can hardly even cross the hallway to get to the upstairs bathroom.

And so I thought I would just share a few of my fears, and none of that ‘I’m scared I’ll fail and end up alone’ stuff.

Darkness: I already mentioned this. I’ve always been scared of the dark, even when it’s in my own room and I’m not curled up in bed. I start panicking that there’s someone somewhere in the vicinity. And then my mind plays tricks on me, and I actually start to believe there’s an intruder or something. Also, walking alone at night scares me. I’m a paranoid person and so I always feel like someone’s following me. One night when I was in Berkeley, I was walking home from a store and I thought this man was following me. So I stopped at a store for at least twenty minutes and ran home with this thirty-pound backpack. I forgot to mention that video games that take place in the dark freak me out too.

Water: Maybe it’s all the creatures that live underwater; maybe it’s the possibility of catching some sort of illness; or maybe it’s just because I can’t swim. Actually, I really can’t swim all too well. I can float for about fifteen seconds. I know; terrible. I’m not scared of bottled water or anything like that but large bodies of water, like the ocean. It’s the reason why despite living in Southern California, I don’t go to the beach.

Heights: I actually conquered this fear a few times while I was in ROTC! I had to scale a post and zip line to another one. (Is that the right word?) I was terrified when I got to the top and it took me a little while to actually zip line down. I kept asking my commander if I was secured before I actually had the courage to. Another time was that same day when I had to scale a post and walk across a really thin piece of wood. Yup, that was terrifying too, but I was proud of myself for doing them. I almost cried. On another note, if this is combined with the first two I will have a severe panic attack.

Clowns: I think this is one that a lot of younger children are afraid of. Well, I’m afraid of them too. I think it had to do with watching It when I was really young, and also hearing about John Wayne Gacy. He was a serial killer who was also a clown. Maybe he wore the suit when he killed people; maybe not. Either way, clowns freak me out. I don’t care if I’m made fun of for it. Just the whole idea of a clown scares me, you know? Maybe you don’t.

So those are my main fears. There are more but I can’t think of any at this very moment.

By the way, I spent a good portion of my time last night playing online games, most of which I’m sure you’ve heard of. I hate them so much because they’re really addicting, and in some cases frustrating.

Have fun!

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