Chances are, you don’t know me. But that’s okay. You don’t really have to.
I know you’re probably sick of waking up every single morning having to force yourself out of bed, having that twisted feeling in your stomach. There’s this voice inside your head yelling at you to just give up because things will never get any better. And then you sluggishly go on with your day.
Yeah, I’ve had those days. I still do actually. But I hope you know that it will get better.
What do I know, right? I’m just a twenty-year-old university dropout who sits at home all day. Well, I do know that depression goes hand-in-hand with a lot of other things. In my case it’s mania, anxiety, anorexia, and bulimia; so I can relate to a lot despite my young age. I know what it’s like when you feel like you’re not good enough for anyone, like you’re just a burden, like everything around you is going to collapse, like you’re alienated from society, like you need to starve yourself, and so on…
We may not share the same experiences that brought us to our respective sadness, but we still have that same emotion in common. And that’s all you really need to make a connection with someone. Isn’t it a relief to hear that someone else understands? You won’t get the strange looks or scoffs or even the occasional “just get over it”. It’s one of the most hurtful things you can say to someone who already feels like he/she has hit rock bottom.
I just want you to know, even if you just need a quick reminder, that you’re not alone – you never truly are. It’s hard to believe but it’s true. If all you need is someone to talk to, I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who are willing to listen, me including.
The recovery process is difficult. You’ll have to revisit the pain all over again and open doors that you’ve wanted sealed shut for the rest of your life. I knew all of that and that’s one of the reasons I refused any kind of help. The other reason is because I thought I could solve everything by myself. I didn’t think I needed anyone… no matter what anyone told me.
My turning point came when I was sitting in the ICU, listening to the screams and cries of the other patients, including my roommate. Some had to be restrained, others sedated, but it didn’t help the commotion. Did I really want to spend the rest of my life going in and out of that horrid place? Of course not.
I began thinking about everything else that I wanted to do in life: backpack around the world, learn at least three more languages, finish university… I didn’t want to give all that up, and so I accepted the help. See, others can try to help you as much as they can but you’re going to have to get yourself up first. I didn’t know that at the time. I thought everyone else could do all the work for me. If you just find a way to get yourself to believe that things will get better, then at some point they will.
Although it’s been a painful, tiring journey for me so far, I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything that’s ever happened just made me stronger and I hope you feel the same way about your own journey.