5 AM

Actually it’s about four PM where I am right now but I was thinking about this at five AM.

Before I continue, I would just like to say that I haven’t had a chance to look at my notifications so if you sent me a message, commented on something, or replied to my comment I have not seen it.

I’m not in the best kind of mood today. Actually, I feel pretty terrible right now.

I walked past the hospital I was forced in a last year and I just had a burst of anxiety and I had all these flashbacks about everything that happened to get me in there. I don’t really know how long I was standing there until I finally walked away to grab my refills (I usually never get my own but my dad’s getting home late).

And then last night/this morning I spoke to the one person that always seemed to affect my mood no matter how much I fight it. It’s not like it was a bad conversation. But you how when you talk to someone who used to be so important to you after a long while? You just… reminisce about all those good times you had with the person. That’s what I did and it made me realize that I missed all of it.

After all that contemplation, I just wanted to forget about all of the memories because I hate the feeling of longing for something.

Now I’m just sitting here, tired and dejected.

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5 thoughts on “5 AM

  1. Happens with all of us. Its a part of life. People coming, making a mark in our lives and then leaving into the blue. Don’t worry, things will get better with time. Cheer up!
    The blogging world is there for you always!

    1. Yeah, it always just gets me down especially when it happens over and over with the same people. I just like to think that those people miss me as much too. haha.

      Thanks for your support! I actually feel a lot better today.

      – Deirdre

  2. You’re so strong to write about these things. I’m trying to do the same. I know what you mean about the burst of anxiety, its so scary when it’s so sudden :/

    1. Thank you for your comment! And yes, those sudden bursts of anxiety are absolutely awful, especially when you’re out of your comfort zone already. I always try to do the deep breathing thing and it helps most of the time granted that I’m not completely freaking out.

      – Deirdre

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