Social Anxiety Eruption

I start my first day of school tomorrow. The thought is giving me anxiety.

I don’t know if you know this but I had to take a leave of absence from UC Berkeley because of my anorexia and my developing mania. That mixture led to a complete mental breakdown on the early morning of 15 Feb 2013. I remember that day specifically because I have several airline tickets from that day because I just lost it at the airport.

And so, this is kind of a big deal despite the fact that it’s at a local community college (I’ll be much more anxious when I actually go overseas to a four-year) and I’m only taking three classes. I’m not anxious about the academic portion of it, no. I spent a good amount of time this past year keeping up with my studies.

It’s the idea of having to interact with other people again. I’ve been doing well interacting with all of my friends, but they’re my friends and most of them are aware of my condition.

But now I’ll be surrounded by hundreds of people I don’t know, about forty in each class. I know this sounds kind of weird but I actually prefer larger lectures so I just kind of blend into the background. In Berkeley we had no less than 150 people in lectures but only 30 in discussions. It was the latter I had problems with because sometimes we would have “icebreakers”. I can’t even tell you how much I hate those…

So yes, I’m pretty nervous about tomorrow.

But I’m just going to take some deep breaths and proceed with confidence.

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7 thoughts on “Social Anxiety Eruption

  1. My social anxiety is not as bad as yours at the moment, I’ve been forcing myself to be around people for the last 3 years or so. However, I still have days, usually every week, where I just don’t want to be with, around or interact with people. I mean my family and friends are fine, but when am feeling anxious it’s best I avoid it, unless it’s going to be a long bout in which case it’s best I face it head on.

    How did you find it on your first day then? I don’t think you’ve blogged it so if it’s too difficult to talk about then it’s okay if you don’t want to! :O)

    – Phil

    1. Hello!

      I actually had high anxiety that morning. I was so anxious I took wrong turns to get to the university and I got lost. haha, and it’s only a few miles away!

      My first class, which was self-study math, went alright. Since it was self-study I really didn’t have to interact much. No one sat next to me anyway. haha. My second class, Music Theory, did’t go as well. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but the professor made us all stand up, say our name, major, if we had any musical experience, and why we’re taking the class.

      I can’t have people stare at me and I started panicking the moment the first person started, and I was like the twenty-fourth person down the class. But luckily, that was it.

      – Deirdre

    1. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know it’s tough.

      I actually have both a therapist and a psychiatrist. The latter is the one who prescribes medication if that’s an option for you. They’re the ones who diagnose you with an illness. Therapists are great to talk to as well but they don’t have the power to prescribe medication and that’s the main difference between the two.

      But I suggest seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist. I find the combination of medication and psychotherapy more useful than just by themselves. Schedule one with a psychiatrist first and I’m sure he/she will refer you to a therapist who specializes in your needs.

      I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you luck!

      – Deirdre

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