No I didn’t eat some barbecue chicken with my tea.
Since I just bought some more Irish Breakfast, I decided to drink some tea and write about my recovery progress so far. It’s been a while since I checked in and I think one of the most important things you have to do while in recovery from anything is to just check your progress and find out where you are at that moment.
Last time I checked in I was struggling with my eating disorder. I’ve been having smaller and less frequent meals, and I didn’t even realize it. It’s been going on for a while and so it started becoming natural again. My days have consisted of eating a bowl of cereal, driving to school, skipping lunch, walking, eating some more cereal, and exercising.
I used to be a long-distance runner back in high school, and a bit during university too when I joined ROTC. For me, exercising is dangerous because I have an obsessive personality. I will start exercising more and eating less, and obviously that’s not good in anyway. I had regular visits to the hospital since I was fifteen for things like exhaustion, malnutrition, and dehydration.
This past year I promised I wouldn’t allow myself to get addicted to the process once again. Since February 2013, I stopped exercising completely. I cut it out of my life and after I began to recover from the eating disorder, which was extremely severe at the time, I was allowed to slowly get back into it. I would be allowed short walks; and a few weeks later, longer walks; and so on. Since then I never really had a process addiction. My only exercise was walking and jogging with my dogs, and I was happy.
Now, I’m struggling with it again. After I had that barbecue chicken last week, I think I snapped. It was only a panini but to me it seemed like a feast. I walked around the mall, which was where I was, for hours and I still wasn’t satisfied. Since then, I’ve been obsessing over cardio and pilates. Like I said, I didn’t even realize it until I started writing.
But, as you know, I’m not one to allow a small slip-up get to me so much (sometimes). Recovery isn’t a straight slope and I have to remind myself every once in a while.
Well, the tea is done and the Olympics is starting.
Until next time.