Tell Me Why…

Ain’t nothing but a heartache! That’s a line from a song by the Backstreet Boys in case you didn’t know. I’m not that dramatic most of the time.

Response to Daily Prompt: I Did It My Way

There are a lot of things in my life I wish I could change, but have nonetheless accepted.

As with most romantic comedies, this one in particular starts with a boy. I know. How typically girly of me. If any of my friends were reading this then they’d know exact who I’m talking about. But I don’t really think any of them read my blog anyway. For the sake of anonymity let’s call him Herbert. I don’t know anyone of that name except for one of the US presidents (Herbert Hoover).

It’s funny that this prompt came up. In my previous post I was talking about this particular event. I actually wrote that letter, placed it in an envelope, and stamped it. All I need to do is send it. I just don’t know if I will.

This whole thing with Herbert started in the seventh grade, which seems eons ago now. I spent my two years in middle school just carrying that little crush with me. I was a shy kid and so I didn’t like direct confrontation. After promotion, I somehow found the courage and just admitted it. I was still ridiculously shy and so I did it over email. Now that I think about it, that was pretty hilarious. I’m really embarrassed about that now.

I received the answer that every thirteen year old girl dreams of but right at that moment, I suddenly became terrified and I just… ran away I guess. I can’t count how many times this happened but the one I regret the most was Valentine’s Day in 2009. Yes, I remember because I think about it all the time. Well, not all the time. I have other problems too, which I’m sure you’ve guessed by now.

I got back to the moment I ran away all the time, wishing I handled the situation completely differently. It was almost five years ago (Jesus Christ I didn’t even realize that) and I still can’t let go of it. So now Herbert is “the one that got away” and the one person I’ll always have feelings for. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Everyone has that one person. There are times, which last from weeks to months to years, where I forget about all of this. But the sight of his face or the mention of his name reminds me about it. It sucks.

I was quite sick in high school, jumping back and forth between mania and depression so I can’t blame myself – or anyone really – for what happened. I know this is something I won’t get over anytime soon, but it’s one of those things that I’ll just have to live with and think of it as a learning experience. It’s difficult but hey, I’m always up for a challenge.

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