Financial Anxiety

I am only twenty-years-old and I’m having so much financial anxiety.

During my last manic episode I racked up a several thousand dollars of debt on impulse shopping, suddenly dropping out of university, and emergency medical expenses. Mental health coverage is pretty terrible here in the States… well, our healthcare system in general could use a lot of improvement.

I don’t have a job; and when I do land one it’s difficult for me to keep it because of my high anxiety and volatile moods. I’ve only ever been in the service industry, including retail and restaurant, and those were just… terrible for me. My hours changed every single week and I usually need some kind of consistency in my schedule or my mood will shift to one of the extremes.

Right now, I’m basically alright. I have a schedule that includes studying, going to class, playing the piano, and some nonsensical activities every day. I usually did that for school, though spending a few hours a week to socialize… with the people who enjoyed sitting in a café and chatting.

Thinking about starting school and adding thousands of dollars more to my current debt doubles my anxiety, so anxious that I can hardly sleep at night. 

My parents constantly tell me that I don’t have anything to worry about but I just can’t help it. They’re the ones who bear the burden of my debt and it makes me feel guilty about the whole thing. I don’t think I should but I do.

I really don’t know what to do about my current debt but as for my future university expenses, I’ve been applying for scholarships nonstop. But it’s actually a little difficult since I’m an American student who will be studying in the U.K. Like many others I don’t want finances, or lack thereof, to keep me from finishing university.

I’m just going to hope for the best, but not expect the worst.


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