Scars, whether emotional or physical, remind us of the past. Neither one is worse than the other but you can definitely see the latter.
I don’t think any kind of scar ever truly fades. They’re always there, constantly reminding us of everything we’ve been through. I like to call these ‘battle scars’ because technically we did get them during some kind of battle. But, I don’t think their perpetual existence is a bad thing. We’ve had to have learned something from what we’ve been through, right?
I have a scar on my eyebrow that reminds me never to forcefully push open a swinging metal gate. That’s a bit of a simple example but I’m sure you get what I mean.
As for my self-harm scars… they’re both triggers and reminders. It all just depends on what I want it to be, which is I guess what my point is to this whole spiel. We can choose to see our scars as signs of weakness or proofs of the lessons that we’ve learned. In a perfect world, it will always be the latter but we’re far from that.
I constantly think of just packing up everything I own and moving several thousands of miles away to a city where absolutely no one knows my name. All I want to do is forget what happened but that’s just not possible. The past is very much real and I had all the reminders I needed from my scars. So instead of acting like my past has never happened, I’ve been working on simply accepting it.
It’s just so difficult that at times I go back to believing I can just erase my memories. Sometimes I even like to believe that I’m just in some kind of nightmare that I’m going to wake from fairly soon. But no… it’s all real.
These battle scars… we should be proud of them, shouldn’t we?
It means we’re survivors, right?