Hello. Beautiful day, isn’t it? Since it’s quite warm I thought I would order some iced coffee instead. Hazelnut is usually my favorite but it tastes a little strange here in Starbucks so I decided on vanilla instead. Yeah, I’m not too fond of this place either.
I’ve had quite a lot on my mind lately but since the weather was just so beautiful today that I spent a lot time after my German class absorbing some vitamin D. I actually had fun in class today, talking to and laughing with the people who were sitting around me. No one usually likes to speak to me – maybe because I’ve been told I look a little mean when I don’t smile – so it was great.
Isn’t it funny how little things like those kind of just make your day?
One time at a stoplight the person in the car next to me rolled down his windows and gave me a compliment. I think compliments from strangers are just so lovely. Strangers aren’t obligated to pay me any kind of a compliment but when someone goes out of their way to say something to me, it’s a great feeling. Even when someone holds the door open to me, picks up something that I dropped, or just greets me, it makes my day so much better. Don’t you think so?
I’m actually pretty good at small talk but it’s developing the friendship that I have some problems with. I’m sure you know all about that. It’s just… I feel like it’s a little difficult to be friends with me because of how erratic I can be. A lot of people still believe the negative stigma about eating disorders and bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. It’s a little daunting to me.
Anyway, what’s been on my mind? Well… I’m not really sure I wanna talk about it. Have you ever had a question you want answered but are too afraid to ask because you may not like the answer?
That’s good because I thought I was losing it a little. Let’s just say I may have inquired something that I now realize I’m not ready to know the answer to because I don’t know what I want the answer to be. But then again, isn’t it better to know the answer when I don’t have an expectation? Though it could be one of those things where I won’t like either answer… or I’ll realize which answer I wanted after I get the answer that I don’t. Do you know what I’m saying or am I just confusing you?
What an exasperating situation.
Great, now you had me thinking about it again…
Okay, okay. Just forget I said all of that. I’m not going to let that ruin the great day I’ve been having. So, how’ve you been these days?