Tea Time: Obsessive Personalities

Guten Tag! It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it? It’s why I chose to sit outside today. I hope you have sunscreen on because I don’t want the sun’s rays to harm you in any way. I’m just being a good friend.

Sorry I couldn’t speak to you yesterday. I actually had to go to the emergency room for an allergic reaction. Let’s just say I’m never ever ever ever ever ever going to drink the Very Berry Hibiscus Tea at Starbucks ever again. All the shots they gave me burned and I passed out for about eleven hours afterwards.

Anyway, I started watching Frozen a few days ago but I never got to finish it so I may just watch it tonight. It’s one of those movies that I feel obligated to watch because everyone I know wouldn’t stop talking about it. But then again I didn’t watch it earlier because everyone I know couldn’t stop talking about it. It’s really the same reason why I don’t like listening to the radio. It’s overkill.

But to tell you the truth, I have a really obsessive personality. Really. So I basically overkill everything anyway.

The first time I heard Counting Stars by OneRepublic was about two months ago and I haven’t stopped listening to it since. In fact, I’m listening to it right now. I just like the line “I’ve been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be.”

My brother convinced me to play Candy Crush sometime in January and now I’m on level 213. If there weren’t lives, I’d be much further.

If I start playing a videogame, I will not stop until I’m finished with it. When I was younger I’m pretty sure I spent all of my free time, even during school, playing Pokemon on my Gameboy. If I had a DS or something, I’d still be doing that. I would also stay up for several nights finishing Legend of Zelda.

Circa 2010. This is the only photo I could find where you can see a portion of my room.

I watched one episode of American Horror Story and I finished the entire season in less than three days. I did the same with The Walking Dead. I watched all the seasons that were out, which at the time were the first three, and I finished all of them in about a week.

Back in high school, I had this long period of being obsessed with KPop and KDramas. You can ask my friends… it was pretty bad. I went to concerts, stayed up to watch the debuts of certain songs or albums and everything. You should have seen my room. I can actually read Korean and speak it a little, though not as much as before since I didn’t practice much since.

On a more serious note, I developed an eating disorder from this same obsession. You already know I’m a perfectionist so the combination was… lethal. I only wanted to lose ten pounds (I was a little chubby in middle school) in the beginning. Once I progressed towards my goal, it became fifteen then twenty and twenty five then thirty and so on.

So when I began restricting and exercising, it became a way of life. I held myself to this standard and I was obsessed with constantly meeting it. If I didn’t, then I would end up resenting myself. I spoke about these sort of high expectations not too long ago, remember?

It was the same when it came to self-harm. After cutting just once I became addicted to the feeling of sweet, satisfying pain and couldn’t seem to stop. I began to do it more and more frequently every single day. I had to.

With my bipolar disorder, my obsession tends to lead to in the very least hypomania because I’ll be lacking in the sleep department and focus all of my energy into this one activity that seems to have become the number one priority in my life. Do you know what I mean? And that hypomania may or may not lead to mania.

But I don’t think of my obsessive personality as a completely negative characteristic. I mean I do really well in school because of it. When I do something, I give it my all and I would thinks that’s a pretty good quality to have when it comes to certain things, don’t you think? So that’s the little silver lining if you may.

What about you? Do you have these kinds of problems too?

On another note, I stay away from gambling because I feel like I would go broke.


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