Happy day! Except not really for me. Like I’ve mentioned I haven’t been in the greatest of moods lately, mainly because of all this anxiety. Since I blame it on social interaction I think I’m going to take a break from all the social networks for a while, similar to what I’ve done before. By the way, I don’t count blogging as a social media platform because… well, I don’t really interact with people. I try, I really do. I type up long, thoughtful comments for posts but rarely actually send them for fear of sounding insensitive or stupid. I can be both.
Right now, I’m just quite disappointed in people. Finding out that there are certain people out there who talk to me only because they believe I’ll fulfill some kind of condition is quite disheartening. I feel like that should have been obvious but I’ve been trying not to lose all my fate in this society. Well… that’s not going to happen anytime soon after this.
I guess I should be specific.
For starters I consider everyone to be attractive in their own way. There’s no single definition of that word for me. Not to sound egoistic or anything, I consider myself moderately attractive. Well, those are the days when I’m not completely self-conscious. With that said I always get the feeling that people, mainly guys, only speak to me because they think I’ll offer more than I’m willing to give. I mean, I’m really not willing to give anything but my friendship. And I know I’m not the only one who experiences this.
And even if that isn’t the case the moment they found out I have some issues with mental health, they leave. I know it’s difficult to be friends with me. I can’t handle many types of social situations; I tend to get depressed and angry; I can be incredibly irrational; I’m enigmatic; and I’m overly conscious about everything. But at the same time I think anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend, not to sound arrogant again. It takes me a while to give my heart out, but when I do I give it my all.
All I want is for people to like me for me. Is that too much to ask?