What does tea have to do with my sleepless nights? It has some caffeine in it… not that it affects me at all. I’ve built up a tolerance over the years.
I haven’t been able to get a good night’s sleep in weeks. Lately I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep. I’ll stay awake until about four in the morning and wake up a few hours later. I’d be so exhausted but still couldn’t go to sleep. This is starting to sound like a bad infomercial where I’m just about to tell you the key solution to all of this.
That is sadly, or thankfully, not the case.
I’m starting my additional prescription soon so I’m hoping that’ll help. I don’t remember if I mentioned this but my psychiatrist doubled my Risperdal. I have a love-hate relationship with that specific medication because one of the side effects is weight gain. That side effect in particular almost makes me not want to take it but deep down I know gaining a little bit of weight is a lot better than having another manic episode. I don’t even know if I’m imagining it or not but I feel like I’ve gained weight since I started taking it regularly and it’s just making me… self-conscious.
Since that realization, I’ve been overcompensating by not eating as much as I used to. I’m fighting the battle but so far I’ve been losing. My mind is just reeling and I feel as anxious as ever. And when I’m anxious, I can’t eat so it makes my situation even worse. It’s a strange cycle. I get anxious, I take my medication, I feel self conscious, and then I get anxious again but it’s coupled with depression.
The World Cup is not helping my anxiety at all. Don’t worry; I’m not blaming my anxiety on the tournament. It’s the normal kind of anxiety! Everyone gets nervous watching their team play, especially since these are the crucial matches. So far, all of my teams have gone through: Germany, France, Argentina, Netherlands, and Columbia. Well, I’m mostly cheering for Germany. I’m so great at predicting; I should start betting. That would actually be a terrible idea because I have an obsessive personality. I don’t know. What do you think will happen in the quarterfinals and the rest of the tournament?
Before you question my patriotism, I would just like to say that I think the USA did fairly well this tournament especially today against Belgium. Well, Tim Howard did well. The rest of the team… not so much. I’m looking forward to this Friday when Brazil plays Columbia and France plays Germany. It should be interesting… unless Germany plays the way they did against Algeria. That game almost gave me a heart attack and I almost couldn’t watch the extra time.
I wish more of my friends watched the World Cup so I have people to speak to. Well, at least I have my acquaintances from Russia, Germany, and France. I was joking with my friend from Marseille that we can’t be friends on Friday because we’ll be on opposite teams.
So that’s my take on everything.
Also, my birthday’s coming up! I’ll be turning twenty-one next Wednesday! That’s a big deal here in the States, but it’s really just another birthday for me. I don’t drink, partly because alcohol doesn’t mix well with my medication but mostly because… it’s really not my thing. What I am excited for is getting a new photo for my driver’s license. I took mine when I was sixteen and it’s just the worst.
Anyway… the topic of this post has been all over the place.