Dealing with Diagnoses

I wasn’t diagnosed with my mental health issues simultaneously, but instead over a period of three or four years. First it was depression, then bulimia/anorexia, then anxiety, and then finally bipolar disorder. Every single time I was diagnosed, I reacted the way most people would; I denied it all. I didn’t want to believe that there was something “wrong” with me.

I took it too personally. I just couldn’t understand why it was me rather than anyone else. It seems irrational to think about now, but back then it felt like a personal attack. I thought, “who gave you the right to tell me what I am?” I was so angry with my psychiatrist that I became defensive and stormed right out of her office, which probably didn’t help my situation in the least.

I was eighteen or so at the time and I lied to my parents about what the doctor had said to me. It was partly because I didn’t want them to worry but mostly because I was in denial. So I refused to see anyone for a little while… until that miniature mental breakdown that I had during my university days. And I mean the first one, not the big one.

It’s difficult to have someone tell you have some kind of anomaly. I guess I shouldn’t call it that.

For a while, I was completely depressed and hopeless about everything. I considered myself a victim of bad luck, and possibly bad genes as well. But after taking some time to think about it all, I realized that I wasn’t in a sense a victim of anything. I shouldn’t be brooding around the house wondering why I was dealt these cards. I had some teen angst. Don’t judge me.

I couldn’t change my situation, only how I viewed it.  So it hit me one day, after many many days, that I was actually given a gift… a strange one but a gift nonetheless.

Like I implied in my last post, try to remember that the trials that come with a diagnosis also come with the strength to overcome them.

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5 thoughts on “Dealing with Diagnoses

  1. It’s so awesome that you have found the strength to overcome what you think are your flaws! Great job girl.

  2. I’ve totally been there. I remember being diagnosed as having “major depressive disorder” at one point. Those words hit hard.. Nowadays people are trying to get rid of the stigma of mental illness, but the fact is, I didn’t want to be labeled as that. In the end, it turned out I was dealing mainly with anxiety, but for insurance purposes they needed to make that diagnosis. In any case, labels suck and it’s good to know we’re not alone! 🙂

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