Don’t be a Hero!

As you can see from the creepy picture I photoshopped, this is about creepy things… well, horror movies.

Not a lot of horror movies give the genre a good name, which is upsetting because that’s my favorite genre. I know, you wouldn’t think someone that could be as paranoid as I can would like movies that have the possibility of terrifying you to your very soul… Well, that’s what horror movies are supposed to do. I just haven’t found one that has given me that reaction. If you have any recommendations, let me know. Clows scare the living hell out of me, in case you want to know.

Anyway, what I absolutely hate about horror movies are all of the clichés! I find myself yelling at the screen, when I’m at home and watching the movie alone because I’m considerate, telling the main character not to go into that dark alleyway where he or she had just heard a strange noise.

Here are a bit of my two (maybe 50) cents on all of the clichés:

  • Splitting up: How could you even think of doing that? We all know that whenever you split up the group, at least one person will encounter the antagonist. If you’re in a group, at least you have some kind of chance of fighting it off. Don’t ever go alone!
  • Group stereotypes: Since I’m talking about groups, it always consists of the same people: the good girl/boy who will most likely live until the end, the asshole who will most definitely die, the girl/guy who sleeps with everyone who will also inevitably die, the couple where one usually ends up dying to leave the other all alone, and that one friend that will probably get everyone else killed.
  • Losing the keys: Whenever someone tries to use the car or get back into their house, he/she never has the keys! Especially in a car, the person always expects the keys to already be in the ignition.
  • The mirror scene: I’m so tired of this. The person opens the medicine cabinet or bends down to wash his/her face and the killer ends up being behind him/her. Sometimes, the director likes to mix things up and just have that eerie music that throws us off.
  • Leaving the lights off: Why don’t they ever turn the lights on when they get home or enter a room? That’s the first thing I do.
  • Investigating: Who in their right mind would ever think of following a trail of bloody footsteps up an attic?
  • Going back: Okay, if I were in a horror film I would probably be really selfish. There’s always at least one person who goes back to where the killer is to find his/her friend. I’m sorry, but leave that person!
  • Assuming the killer’s dead: Just like in Zombieland, always double tap!! Hitting the killer in the head once with a lamp is probably not going to kill the person. Whenever the killer is down, it’s almost always assumed that he/she isn’t going to get back up… but then the killer shows up about five minutes later because the person never really killed him/her.
  • No signal/battery: Why don’t people religiously charge their phone? I guess if the person’s in the middle of the woods…
  • The car breaking down: It’s always conveniently in the middle of nowhere. If there happens to be a gas station or something, the people there are usually creeps.
  • Vacationing in a cabin in the woods: Maybe this is just me, but I would never go anywhere where there aren’t other people around. Sure it sounds pretty good having the entire lake to yourself but being in the middle of the woods is just… scary. Serial killers always flee to the woods because there is a lack of law enforcement, not that they usually help anyway.
  • Yelling at a sound: Every time a character hears a rustle of some sort, he/she always ends up yelling “Who’s there? Jenny is that you? Jenny, that’s not funny!” It’s probably not Jenny since most likely she’s dead.
  • Being a hero: Sure, the person’s a martyr but it’s usually in vain.
  • Trusting a stranger: This never turns out well, as the stranger is usually connected to the killer or is a killer him/herself. Well, sometimes they could be helpful… but only if they’re the opposite gender to the main character.

There are so many more clichés I want to talk about but I really don’t want to keep droning on about them. Despite all of these things, I still enjoy horror movies. One of my favorites is You’re Next. I don’t think it’s scary in the least but I love the main character. Most of the time, she’s pretty smart about avoiding the killers. Another one of my favorites is The Descent. That one actually scared me since I’m already afraid of the dark.

Hmm… I think Silence of the Lambs is considered a horror, right? It’s one of my favorite movies in general… pretty creepy. Poltergeist is an okay movie but there’s a scene there that involves a clown that really freaks me out.

A lot of Asian horror films are quite frightening actually. I suggest The Ring, Ju-On: The Grudge, and Shutter.

Anyway, Happy Waffle Wednesday!

I don’t have a waffle maker… I made that up anyway.

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3 thoughts on “Don’t be a Hero!

  1. Have you watched Sinister? I found it quite good. And Insideous. Mama was a good one. I didn’t find any of those particularily scary, but the stories are quite good. I also don’t remember any of the above cliches in them, though I may have just forgotten.
    I love The Grudge and The Ring. Those are great movies.

    1. I actually have watched Sinister! I thought it was pretty alright. Mama was kind of creepy too. I agree that neither are too scary but still have some jumps. I actually really loved Insidious! Well, only the first one. I also liked the Conjuring.

      – Deirdre

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