Song of the Day: September by Earth, Wind, and Fire
I’m an introvert but I’m not shy, at least not anymore. I have social anxiety but that doesn’t mean I’m shy either, despite the fact that it states in the dictionary that I technically am. But this is the same source that validates “YOLO” as an actual word. Call me pretentious but I prefer the older versions of the Oxford, though those would call me shy as well.
I prefer to spend most of my time writing or playing the piano or other relaxing, quiet activities. I love spending time with people in small, intimate groups rather than an overwhelming amount of people all at once. It’s the reason I don’t really go to parties, unless it’s once where I know a majority of the people. And by “party” I actually don’t mean a night of heavy drinking and activities such as those. I’m lucky enough to find a group of people who are quite similar when it comes to these things. Last night for my good friend’s twenty-first birthday party, we sat around in the backyard, drank a bit, sang along to 90’s music, and played board games. That’s my kind of party right there.
I also love meeting new people. I’m wholeheartedly interested in what they have to say, what they’re doing with their lives, and whether or not they know all the words to “Baby Got Back”. On a side note, I actually do and if I hear it I won’t hesitate to sing – ahem rap – along no matter where I am. I find people to be so interesting and complex. A person is never just one thing. Despite what everyone in my high school thought, I’m not just someone who studies a lot.
Still, I like to spend a lot of my time alone. People who prefer to be alone aren’t necessarily lonely, which is usually the misjudgement. I’m not lonely. I just like to have time to collect my thoughts and that’s nearly impossible for me when it’s too loud. And when I no longer want to be in my own little world, I’ll spend some time in others’.
This may sound a little strange, but sometimes when I’m having a cup of coffee or tea at a café I like to sit by the window and watch people. I’ll see a man running down the street and wonder if he’s late for a job interview or forgot that he left his stove on at home. I’ll see two friends laughing and wonder what it is they could possibly find so funny. And then I just can’t help but think about how I and so many others will never know what kind of life that person has lived.
I’m not boring just because I like quieter activities. I actually think that I’m quite interesting if you talk to me. Some of the more introverted people, maybe those people in the back of the class who never say anything, are the most interesting. It just takes a while for an introvert to warm up to someone; at least that’s how it’s like for me. I guess this is one of the reasons it’s a little difficult for me to make friends. I don’t open up easily and I physically and emotionally can’t spend large amounts of times with others every day. It’s actually exhausting for me for others to frequently contact me. In fact, it gives me a lot of anxiety because I feel like I can’t play a role in their lives the way they want me to.
Sometimes I really do wish that I was able to handle constant socializing but that’s really not who I am. I sometimes actually get a little grumpy when I’m already tired and I’m still being forced to socialize because there are extenuating circumstances keeping me from leaving. I won’t be angry with anyone in particular, except maybe myself for involuntarily being crabby. It’s truly not my fault. It just… comes out and I won’t realize it until I’ve had adequate rest. And then I’ll have to apologize.
I like to be friends with other introverts, not exclusively of course, because they just seem to understand why I react to certain situations the way that I do. They’re friendships that take quite a while to develop but are more than worth it in the end.