Socially Lazy or Just Inept

Song of the Day: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

Oh look! I have returned for the second day in a row. This is mainly because I’ve had a lot of thoughts going on through my head and I just want to stay in for a little while.

Before I go on to what I truly want to write about, I would just like to say that most of my lectures are packed and it’s discouraging me from going. I’ll go, of course, but everyone’s just… so close to me and I feel suffocated. I mean that literally. I spent fifty minutes trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. I couldn’t even leave because I sat right in the middle of the row and everyone would have to get up in order to allow me to pass.

But that’s really besides the point.

I wrote the other day, probably yesterday, about how this whole social interaction thing is pretty new to me. That’s really because I’ve spent the last few years in almost complete isolation. I hardly spoke to the people I knew so I never took the chance to speak to strangers and make new friends. Now that I’m thrown back into university life, I’m pretty much forced to socialize with others, which I have no problem with a majority of the time.

I’ve been doing pretty well the past week or so.

I may have mentioned this before but it’s a little difficult for me to maintain close friendships because I’m pretty “boring” so to say. I like sitting in cafés, listening to music, watching movies, and just lounging. A large chunk of the people I’ve met so far are great but they’re more of the people I chat with in class or if I see them in the street. Spending some time with them outside of that would be difficult because they enjoy drinking and clubbing.

Not my cup of tea.

I have actually met some people who like similar activities, but I feel like it’s difficult to spend time with them too.

And so we transition into my other problem when it comes to social interaction.

I’m either socially lazy or socially inept.

I don’t like being the one to contact people because I assume that if they want to spend time with me, they’ll contact me first. But at the same time, I realize that they could be thinking the exact same thing. I’d love it if someone sent me a message or spoke to me in person just saying “Hey, are you busy later?”. But I never know if it’s okay for me to do that, even though it’s completely okay for people to do that to me.

Am I making any sense at all? I’m sorry if I’m not.

I also find a nice, usually stupid, opener when talking to new people. These days it’s “you heading to informatics?” or “have I met you before?”. There are others but I can’t share all of my secrets on here… and they’re completely idiotic. But it does the job. I do this for basically a few weeks or months (or years) until I feel pretty comfortable just sending a “hey, how’s it going?” message. Actually, I’ve been sort of acquaintances with some people since I started in Berkeley and only now can I sent a “what’s up?” message.

I always feel like I’m being too forward if I ask for a person’s Facebook or number. With guys, it seems like I’m interested in them but I really just find them interesting. It’s in my nature to overthink things, such as whether or not I am being annoying. And then I think about that line: “Sorry for annoying you with my friendship.” I completely forgot where that’s from… maybe The Office.

As for being socially lazy… if the destination of meetup is too far, I probably won’t go. Or if I have to change or anything like that, I probably won’t go either. I’m also quite lazy when it comes to making plans with someone or a group of people because it involves a lot of discussion about our schedule, especially here in Uni since our classes and studies take up a majority of the weekdays.

Then I’m just completely lazy on the weekends.

I’m just a lazy person who doesn’t know how to communicate with others.

What a combination.

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One thought on “Socially Lazy or Just Inept

  1. Hiya Deirdre!

    Can I just say I’ve been doing my distance Uni course with the Open University since 2011 and I have NOT attended one lecture! They’re not mandatory but they help a lot if you go. I never went to the first ones because I was far to anxious, depressed and physically ill (I have Ulcerative Colitis too), it was far too much. The second lot of lectures I was feeling better physically but not so much mentally, so I passed on them too. The last ones I also didn’t attend because my mental health issues got worse again and put me behind with reading so I couldn’t go even when I felt better! I’m hoping to go to the next ones that start in late October! You’re attending mate, which is very good for you, as you know (I don’t mean that in a condescending way).

    I sort of felt how you do, though I never thought I was lazy when it came to being social. What I found tiring was the planning and then thinking obsessive mental plans about when I had to get up, what I had to do to get out and get to the place and then actually be social when I didn’t feel much like being so. I wanted to be social but the mental exhaustion that came with it just didn’t seem worth it. So I avoided it. I’m like that on and off still but not as much as used to be. I remember once I stayed in doors for 3 years because of a fear of being social (only going out for doctors and hospital appointments). I think in your case you may just need to get used to it a little more before you start calling yourself lazy for sure!

    I don’t usually ask for Facebook or numbers, but one time I wanted to ask my cousin on FB, when I had one, if I could add our other cousin because I felt presumptuous just adding, she asked for me and the cousin replied “What does he want to add me for?”. That coming from my own cousin! That being family you can imagine how I never really asked people for contact, unless I was sure they wanted to actually talk to me. So I only have a very small group of friends plus 4 family members I talk to. And like you, I feel boring! I had one friend who used to ‘zone out’ when I would talk about something complicated to her! lol

    I would offer to talk to you on FB or another social network but I don’t have any now! I only use Yahoo Messenger 2 or 3 times a week to talk to 3 people (if they’re about) and use WordPress to read a few blogs I follow, when I have the right mentality for it. If you have Yahoo and feel like chatting then send me the addy to my e-mail, I’m assuming you can still see them when you edit comments? That’s IF you want to, if not then I wont be offended! 🙂

    Hope things are good for ya!

    – Phil

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