Song of the Day: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
Oh look! I have returned for the second day in a row. This is mainly because I’ve had a lot of thoughts going on through my head and I just want to stay in for a little while.
Before I go on to what I truly want to write about, I would just like to say that most of my lectures are packed and it’s discouraging me from going. I’ll go, of course, but everyone’s just… so close to me and I feel suffocated. I mean that literally. I spent fifty minutes trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. I couldn’t even leave because I sat right in the middle of the row and everyone would have to get up in order to allow me to pass.
But that’s really besides the point.
I wrote the other day, probably yesterday, about how this whole social interaction thing is pretty new to me. That’s really because I’ve spent the last few years in almost complete isolation. I hardly spoke to the people I knew so I never took the chance to speak to strangers and make new friends. Now that I’m thrown back into university life, I’m pretty much forced to socialize with others, which I have no problem with a majority of the time.
I’ve been doing pretty well the past week or so.
I may have mentioned this before but it’s a little difficult for me to maintain close friendships because I’m pretty “boring” so to say. I like sitting in cafés, listening to music, watching movies, and just lounging. A large chunk of the people I’ve met so far are great but they’re more of the people I chat with in class or if I see them in the street. Spending some time with them outside of that would be difficult because they enjoy drinking and clubbing.
Not my cup of tea.
I have actually met some people who like similar activities, but I feel like it’s difficult to spend time with them too.
And so we transition into my other problem when it comes to social interaction.
I’m either socially lazy or socially inept.
I don’t like being the one to contact people because I assume that if they want to spend time with me, they’ll contact me first. But at the same time, I realize that they could be thinking the exact same thing. I’d love it if someone sent me a message or spoke to me in person just saying “Hey, are you busy later?”. But I never know if it’s okay for me to do that, even though it’s completely okay for people to do that to me.
Am I making any sense at all? I’m sorry if I’m not.
I also find a nice, usually stupid, opener when talking to new people. These days it’s “you heading to informatics?” or “have I met you before?”. There are others but I can’t share all of my secrets on here… and they’re completely idiotic. But it does the job. I do this for basically a few weeks or months (or years) until I feel pretty comfortable just sending a “hey, how’s it going?” message. Actually, I’ve been sort of acquaintances with some people since I started in Berkeley and only now can I sent a “what’s up?” message.
I always feel like I’m being too forward if I ask for a person’s Facebook or number. With guys, it seems like I’m interested in them but I really just find them interesting. It’s in my nature to overthink things, such as whether or not I am being annoying. And then I think about that line: “Sorry for annoying you with my friendship.” I completely forgot where that’s from… maybe The Office.
As for being socially lazy… if the destination of meetup is too far, I probably won’t go. Or if I have to change or anything like that, I probably won’t go either. I’m also quite lazy when it comes to making plans with someone or a group of people because it involves a lot of discussion about our schedule, especially here in Uni since our classes and studies take up a majority of the weekdays.
Then I’m just completely lazy on the weekends.
I’m just a lazy person who doesn’t know how to communicate with others.
What a combination.