Tea Time: What are you doing this weekend?

Long time no see! Come, sit.

Tea? Or did you prefer coffee?

How are you doing? I hope everything is well with you.

Me? I’m good too. Apologies for taking such a long time to sit down with you. It’s been a crazy month here in Edinburgh. I don’t quite remember where I left off telling you about my little Scottish adventures. I think it was a week or so ago, right?

Oh well. Feel free to interrupt me with a “you already told me that, Deirdre!” I think I repeat stories a lot anyway since I don’t remember who I share them with.

Anyway, let’s start off with the boring stuff: academics. I’m only joking. I really love my classes. Well… I die a little inside during some of my lectures because they are so boring. I think I fell asleep once during my Computation and Logic class, but only for about five seconds. That lecture hall is quite strange because the chairs are situated in such a steep manner if that makes any kind of sense. I love the concept but the instructor’s voice is too monotonous.

For Functional Programming, I absolutely love spending time just doing my labs. I even do the optional exercises because, well, they’re more difficult which means they’re more fun. Linear Algebra is… linear algebra. It’s an introductory course so it’s a review for me since I took two classes, including an upper-division one, in Berkeley.

There I go sounding pretentious again. I’m sorry.

Russian is still a review at the moment but the pace is picking up. I can’t speak much with the others in the class because they’re beginners but I have found some native speakers to converse with! Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll only be talking to one of them on a regular basis but one is all I need. According to the native speakers, I have a pretty good accent. My confidence to speak with others just shot up because I know I’m not completely butchering the language!

Well, that’s all I’ll say about my classes. I spend a copious amount of time reading ahead and doing optional exercises like the studious person I naturally am. The other day I spent about four or five hours straight just doing math problems! Don’t give me that look. You know how much I love math. Not a lot of people understand that but when they do, it’s pretty great.

As for my personal life, I’ve been doing quite well balancing everything. I think I’m getting a lot better at speaking with people and just make the effort to be their friend. I’ve been extending invitations to grab dinner or tea, or watch a movie, just those calm activities that I like so much. This past weekend alone, I actually made plans with some friends. Yes, you should be proud of me.

You know that I had pretty bad social anxiety before, and I guess I still do now, but I’ve been managing it. I still can’t do large groups of people. I’ve been trying to get myself to go to some society events such as pub quizzes and movie nights but the thought is absolutely terrifying. And I know it’s not the normal kind of anxiety because after all these years I can kind of tell the difference.

I think the largest group of strangers I can be around is… five. That seems like such an arbitrary number but it’s always been the perfect amount for me. There’s a German Society film screening tomorrow and I’ve been deliberating on whether or not I should go ever since I was invited, which was probably last Friday or Saturday. From the Facebook page, it seems there’s about fifty people going and, well… that’s a lot. What do you think?

Hold on. Tea refill. You too? I’ll just grab another pot.

So there’s that.

Anyway, I was thinking that if I did end up going, I’ll probably make it all the way to the door of the venue, have some kind of anxiety attack, and then dejectedly walk home. It’s happened to me so many times that I’m quite pessimistic about going to large gatherings.

could ask a friend to come… Of course I thought of that but that person would have to walk with me to the venue.

Yes, I can be a bit troublesome, but that’s just how I am. I can’t really help it. But I guess I’ll just work my way up to larger and larger groups. That’ll take a long while though.

Okay, I’m done talking for now.

So, how’s life been treating you?

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