Dark Chocolate and Deep Conversations

This has absolutely nothing to do with dark chocolate. I just thought it sounded pretty great as a portion of the title, don’t you think? I have a thing of alliterations. My past posts can attest to that.

For a bit of a while I’ve been trying to be more social, get out of my comfort zone and just… well, just that. As you may or may not know depending on how long you’ve been reading my blog, my comfort zone is a little… small. I get pretty uncomfortable pretty quickly, especially in social situations – or maybe specifically in social situations. I haven’t figured that out yet.

One of the things out of my comfort is extending and accepting invitations from others. It was partly because I was always so scared of rejection but I guess over time I just accepted it. Maybe I was so scared of it because I myself hated rejecting invitations from others for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. But I found that rejection doesn’t actually hurt me in any way. Sure I’ll be a bit disappointed but I usually understand.

What I really can’t stand is an unanswered invitation. No one really takes me seriously when I say that I’m angry at them for not answering me – damn my perpetual sarcasm! – but I truly am. All I need is a “no”. Sure it’s a little harsh but it’s still answer.

But I digress.

I extended some invitations, even to people I haven’t spoken to in years. I think it’s nice to catch up with some old friends. I mean I haven’t seen or spoken to these people since I was around eighteen or nineteen, and I was a completely different person back then so I’m always curious as to how we would get along now. I’m slightly anxious about it but at the same time, I’m extremely excited.

Yet another thing to add to the “things that make me uncomfortable” list is having deep conversations.

And as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been trying to be more open with some personal matters. There’s still many things I don’t feel comfortable talking about but my bipolar disorder and my eating disorder is slowly becoming an “okay” topic. Because of that I’ve found others I can bond with because they’re assured that it’s okay to talk to me about those kinds of things. I mean, I have quite a bit of problems of my own but I no longer have to carry the burden by myself and vice versa.

So I’ve actually grown to enjoy these types of conversations. These are the types of conversations that really connect you to someone. That’s how a true friendship begins, isn’t it?

Well, actually I can only seem to open up to certain people, which isn’t strange at all. That’s what it’s like for a lot of other people.

There are just some people you can talk to. Somehow you know they’ll listen and understand.

I guess I just never realized that until now… until I started over.

That’s one of the reasons I wanted to come to Scotland anyway. I wanted to go to a place where not a single person knew who I was and, well, I guess I got lucky and it all worked out for me.

Or maybe life just decided I needed a break.


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