Classes are finally over and I can relax for a little while.
That’s actually false. Exams are coming up and I have to study.
However, my boyfriend and I did manage to go to Oslo for about five days last week. It was an interesting experience, as I know absolutely zero words in Norwegian. Luckily, everyone knew English and so I didn’t have to struggle much. Though some of the words are close to German so I could understand a bit, but the native speakers spoke so quickly there was no way I could ever understand them. I think it’s the first time I’ve been in a country where I didn’t know the language at all. Well… I was in Belgium and I don’t know either French or Dutch so there’s that too.
Anyway, Oslo is… expensive. But I really loved it. It was quiet and relaxing, and the food was pretty good. To be honest, the food here in the UK isn’t the greatest. Everything I ate in Oslo seemed so amazing to me, especially the fish. We went to Alex Sushi for dinner our last night there and it was probably one of the best meals I’ve ever had. Though I did have to pay 1000 NOK for it. That’s about £85. Yes, quite pricey but it was a birthday dinner anyway.
When I came back, I had a few days to myself. Well, I still have a one left…
I always say that I dislike being around people all the time, but at the same time I get really lonely. Sometimes I’m not but these days I just am. It’s forced me to take the time to reflect on the past year… or whenever my last self-reflection was. I actually think it was quite some time ago…
So I guess it’s long overdue.
Whenever I reflect back, I always ask myself the same question: Am I happy?
I mean, that’s really the most important thing, right?
I have to say that, despite everything that has happened the past year, I am. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. I didn’t manage to get an internship this summer, the board of examiners unfairly failed me in software engineering, I’ve suffered a few emotional breakdowns, and my family is struggling at the moment… but I’m trying my best not to let that all get to me. It does sometimes, which is where the severe breakdowns come from. But I’ve been trying to stay positive – “trying” being the key word here.
As you know, I’ve been in a relationship for almost 11 months now (okay, you probably didn’t know that but I’ve mentioned it). After being hurt by guys in my past, I eventually just lost all trust in them. So it was a huge step for me to let someone into my life like this, but I don’t regret it at all… not even a little bit. This is part of the reason I’m so happy these days. I’ve felt so alone for so long and suddenly, an amazing person comes into my life. It was like the universe suddenly decided to just give me a break from all that pain.
It’s a wonderful feeling… finding someone who accepts you for who you are no matter what, someone who stays despite the difficulties. I’m thankful every day this person is in my life because I don’t think I would have reached this point in my mental health without him.
I’m slowly rebuilding the confidence that I lost a few years ago.
Despite the rejection I’ve had from so many companies, I haven’t lost faith. As I said in an earlier post, the whole Google experience shook my confidence in my abilities. It made me think that I could never find my way into the computer science industry… but after some encouragement, I started believing that I could actually do these kinds of things.
I’ve come a long way since my days in Berkeley, and there’s no way I’m going to let myself or others hold me back from moving forward.