nodus tollens: n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.
Welcome to a blog as disorganized as my mind.
So you stumbled upon my blog, huh?
How do you like it so far? A lot? Not so much?
Well, that’s fine with me. I’m flattered that you even stopped by since I’m sure not many do.
Can I ask you something? I know, I know, I may have asked you too much already. But this one’s really important. Do I look intimidating to you? Apparently some people think so, but I swear I’m a nice person… unless I’m sleepy or hungry. But who isn’t in a foul mood when deprived of such things?
I can give you a lengthy list of things that I like or enjoy but if you read my blog long enough then I’m sure you’ll find out sooner or later. Instead I’m going to keep having this little small talk with you.
How about coffee?
Or you can just sit there, pretend like you’re listening, and nod. I’d appreciate that too. At least you’re trying..
What would you like to hear about first? There’s my depressing, yet sometimes pleasurable, teenage years; my several mental breakdowns; my days in the institution; my extra large dogs who like to suffocate me; my biting humour that sometimes offends others; my favourite sports teams; and my future aspirations that involve a bit of hacking… the white hat kind. I could actually talk about almost anything, really. I said almost.
Oh, I’ve been rambling so much that I forgot to tell you my name. It’s Deirdre, pronounced “Deer-druh”. You probably couldn’t have guessed that unless you were Irish because apparently my name originates from Ireland. It’s actually quite lovely meeting someone from Ireland because I can bug that person into saying my name in that beautiful accent. It’s one of my favorites actually.
As you can tell, I just have a boring American one… not even Bostonian or Southern or anything interesting like that. Plainly American.
It’s a pleasure to meet you, or so I hope. I guess we’ll find out… hopefully.
So who am I?
I’m just a twenty-four-year-old with bipolar disorder and… a few other problems I guess. It’s a bit strange actually saying that outloud… it makes them real, which they are so I guess it’s for the best I know that now. Go ahead… I know you want to ask me about them but are just too anxious about hurting my feelings. Trust me when I say that you will not offend me by asking. I’m an advocate to reducing the stigma on mental illness… so go on and ask.
I think I’ve been talking about myself for far too long now. Now that you know a bit about me, you have to tell me about yourself. It’s always great to meet someone new.